Here is some stuff I looked at through my phone...
Tonight was fucking awesome
Net neutrality is dead so this show is your only chance to see me from now until forever.
What is a Jingle Horse? Live at @heliumcomedy in Philadelphia, PA. What an awesome crowd. Full video on YouTube.com/mikefalzone
Actually having a really relaxing time at the airport this morning. I spent $4 on a bottle of water but that’s ok because I had all this cash taking up room in my skinny jeans. Now I can fit anything in there. Like, a bottle of water. Anything.
I am happy and I am grateful and that’s it. 📷: @sfontainephoto
Come see me in Philly tonight at @heliumcomedy
So blessed to be hosting my own travel show on my own Instagram account. You know, travel isn’t for everyone. That’s why people watch the @travelchannel instead of actually going places themselves- but how do you know if a place is even worth the trip to begin with? You don’t. That’s why I’m here. Today I’m in Washington DC to see a Christmas tree for a second. Now I’m gonna leave and go get a hot chocolate. Join us next time.
Goucher College showed the fuck up tonight. What a cool group of people. They all sat in a hot ass theater and listened to me talk about being a fat kid for over an hour. I owe you guys one. Not individually. As a group. Thank you to @mattshore__ for the invite. Keep supporting your campus comics. I’m tired. Goodbye.
Hellooooooo Baltimore! Private show a Goucher College tonight then off to @heliumcomedy in philly for a show on Sunday 12/10 with my identical twin @aunt_poggy. Have a great day. Keep your thread count high.
I’m feeling much better today. Thank you for asking. @joebereta and @smosh invited me to be on their new gameshow ‘You Posted That?!’ and I had the best time. I also lost the most points (spoiler) I lost A LOT (some spoilers here) I had negative points (spoiler). Please go watch me, @stevezaragoza & @leenewton go on a magical journey. I’ll put the link in my bio or just go the Smosh @YouTube channel.
Can’t catch a fucking break today. The fire fucked my sinuses up really bad so I went to the doctor and he prescribed a bunch of stuff that isn’t covered by my insurance because Anthem is a joke. They are all jokes. My right nostril is completely blocked by a polyp and my city is on fire. You know what I do have though? A badass Albanian wife who is making chicken soup from scratch. Cuz when the world fucks you up you stick together and get through it as a team. Also, my doctor sounded exactly like Latka from Taxi and it made me really happy. I told him I was a comedian and he told me he favorite was (George) Jefferson. He also said he had never laughed at anything Bob Hope ever said. Fuck yeah dude. Do you. Anyway, before I go back to sleep I want to say “make money and fuck the healthcare system”. At least we’re not on fire (yet). Love you. #blessed